1/9/56
A birthday is something that we celebrate big in our family, if at all possible. Everyone comes to my house and sits around the table eating what the birthday boy or girl has special ordered for me to make. Much laughing, talking and celebrating goes on along with opening presents and eating lots of cake (that our best baker Rachelle usually makes). We tell stories on one another and laugh until our sides hurt. Stories that include things like webbed feet, weird never heard of before diseases and monkey’s private parts (don’t even ask me). It’s always a fun night.
This is the third birthday Rick has celebrated in heaven….if they do those things there. But here we are, wanting to celebrate with him, but not able to. No presents, special meal, birthday stories or cake for his birthday. But, even though he is not here to celebrate this one day, his LIFE is still very much worth celebrating!
Rick loved people and found such pleasure in making people feel special. On our honeymoon, walking down a trail in the Smokey Mountains he thought he saw someone that he knew from Florida…a girl no doubt. Please remember that we had just gotten married two days before and were on our honeymoon. It seems that that fact had slipped his mind for those few minutes. Because he proceeded to chase the girl down, asking her what her name was and if she was from Largo High School. As it turns out Rick was right. She was who he thought she was and was there with her family on vacation. Come to find out (after he introduced us) that she was married and her husband was in the service. (-: That was “so Rick” and I quickly found out that if I was to stay married to this man, I would have to adjust to many more episodes similar to this one. He just couldn’t help himself.
Rick loved so many things that God put on this planet. He loved the mountains more than any other place. If I would agree to do it and if our kids would have moved with us, he would have moved to Colorado in a heartbeat. As I type this, I also am reminded that he most likely would have moved to Ukraine. He loved that country and its people. He also loved Mustangs. But, not just any Mustang. If we pulled up at a light next to a Mustang GT or Cobra he would turn the radio off, roll the window down and draw my attention (for the thousandth time) to the sound of this most special car. We would both sit in awe and listen to the sound of the engine as it took off. Today I still do the same thing when I see one.
He loved the Beach Boys, Jeremiah Johnson, Tahitian Treats, McDonald French Fries and Dairy Queen soft serve chocolate ice-cream. He could pretty much do anything that needed to be done…anywhere…anytime. Really. He could. And if he couldn’t he knew who to call to get it done. He loved mowing his yard and weed-eating. After mowing the yard he would come in and tell me some new concept, idea or sermon series he had come up with while mowing. He was good that way. He loved his MAC and swore he would never go back to a PC. He saved every cent he could get his hands on until he had the money to buy it. (I’m still using it and typing this on it) He loved baseball and football with a passion. He loved playing fantasy football with all his boys. Every year Joshua, Jacob, George and Kevin would come to the house…get in different rooms of the house with their computers on fantasy draft day…and scream and yell at each other from all over the house during their picks. For the women folk it was a day for a good laugh. For the guys, I guess it was their way of bonding.
Rick had a deep and abiding love for Jesus. Everyday for as long as I can remember when his alarm went off, he sat on the edge of his bed and prayed before he got up. He read his Bible daily and soaked it up like a sponge. He prayed without ceasing. He loved the church and it’s people…even when they were unlovely. He was ready to preach in and out of season and always spoke the Word with boldness and confidence in the God he was preaching about.
Rick also loved his family. He grew up in a home that was difficult and with a father who never told him that he loved him. Rick longed to hear him say those words, but never did. He vowed that he was not going to be that kind of daddy. And he made good on his promise. He loved his children with a fierce love. A love that went to bat for them when he needed to and also chastised them when they needed it. He taught them what a daddy’s love is so that they now have a healthy view of their Heavenly Father’s love. That is such a special gift. And…he loved his wife. He loved me on days when I was not very lovable…days when I felt fat…days when I was fat…days when I yelled…days when I gave him the silent treatment…days when we laughed together…cried together…solved problems together and made a life together. He just very simply…loved me.
So today I will celebrate this very special life. A life that planted so many seeds for the Kingdom of God that they won’t all come to fruition until that Great Day. A life that prayed things into our future. A life that has made such an impact on this physical earth in so many places that I know he is dancing for joy at the rewards he is experiencing. All because he loved Jesus. And because he loved Jesus…he did all things well.
Sending much love on Rick’s birthday,
Debbie
A Day (or Week) in the Life Of…..
Today was a first for me. My. First. Wreck. Even though I rear-ended a guy on I64, I still don’t think it was my fault. He had been driving like a maniac for 3 miles previous…at least 80 miles an hour. (Found out later he was late to a court date for a speeding ticket) Then ended up in front of me tail-gating the guy in front of him. It was pouring rain this morning and really nasty, so I really wasn’t following close at all. That’s not to say that I don’t usually do that though. But, this morning I really wasn’t. Anyway, the guy in front of him getting off at exit 12 stopped suddenly and since he was following so close he went side ways to keep from hitting that guy and I ran into the right rear end of his “rented” brand new Ford F150. Bummer. Sat there for over an hour waiting for the police to show up…wanting to hit myself in the head for being so stupid, but afraid that people would think I had lost my mind if they saw me. And to top it off…I have no collision insurance on the Jeep. How much dumber can I get? After I found that out I really wanted to hit myself. I think I did tell myself how dumb I am and called myself a few names that I won’t repeat.
The wreck tops off a week that in anyone’s book wants to be buried or burned, but not remembered. I also somehow or other managed to get the dreaded vomiting virus not once but TWICE this past week. What is that all about????!!! I never get sick…until I woke up at 1am throwing my socks up…along with a few other things that I won’t mention. I’ve been wanting to lose weight, but I would not recommend this method to anyone. But, I must say it jump-started the whole process.
Add to the wreck and the virus…a strained relationship at work that I have no idea why it’s strained… and things have been just hunky dory with me lately! In the middle of all this “take me away Calgon” junk God in His mercy has also been blessing me. When I choose to look at them! A family who loves me very much, grandchildren who light up my life, a precious new grand-daughter, a warm safe home, a new Bible study that is just beginning, aRefuge ministry that I love serving, and when I take the time to remember…the list goes on and on.
I have asked the Lord some questions today. I know You are Sovereign Lord…You knew the wreck was going to happen before it did. You knew I would be sick. You see the things going on at work. You see it ALL Lord! Every good, ugly, hard, unexpected thing…passes through eternity where You live and where time is not…into my life where time rules and things happen. I truly believe that nothing happens to us in this life when we belong to Him that does not have significance for us. A lesson to learn. A change to be made. A personality flaw that needs to be brought to light. So…WHAT IS MY LESSON LORD??!! I know it’s hidden in there somewhere! And I’ve been around the block a few times to know this…I may not know all the lessons for quite some time. I may not know why He allows some things until later when He uses “that thing” and the light bulb goes off.
There are a few things that I have learned this week though and I hope they stick. I’m fickle that way sometimes though. It sticks for a while then looses it’s stickiness…I don’t want that to happen with these lessons.
Lesson #1 Thank the Lord each morning for good health. The ability to get out of bed…take a walk…go to work…do something for someone else. Our bodies are His temple…thank you Lord for healthy bodies.
Lesson #2 Compassion for those that are sick. Even if I think that they may not be as sick as they think they are. Compassion…
Lesson #3 Slow down. In my car. In my life. Life is not a race. I’m not competing…I’m co-operating with Him. Slow. Down.
In the grand scheme of things…a wreck, a virus or mean people…despite it all…even still mourning the loss of Rick…I am blessed.
Lesson learned.
Sending much love,
Debbie
Perseverance
Not only so, but let us also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character, and character, hope. Romans 5:3
I don’t know why as Christians we almost always associate “hard” with bad and “easy” with good. Because in God’s world that is definitely not the case. I’m sure that you would agree with me, as you take time to look at your life, that most of the time when we go through hard times…times of suffering…if we surrender it to God…it never ends up being bad. Just because something is hard does not mean it has to be bad! And when I look at my life and think that things are going pretty easy for me…I’d better watch out…because it seems not much “good” comes from those times of easy. So, just because something is easy does not mean it is good!
The past two years for me have been “hard”. And in the beginning of my grief after losing Rick I would have been quick to say that the “hardness” of grief was bad. I could not see much good coming from my times of loneliness, crying, anger, sadness, longings, questioning, and fears. But, God’s Word is truth and when I hold it up against my grief, I can see very clearly that what seems hard and bad, in God’s economy is actually very, very GOOD. And not just any kind of good. But good for ME.
God says that suffering produces something in us. And that through the suffering and perseverance I grow up in character and then a wonderful things happens. I am filled with HOPE. And hope is a beautiful thing. I am discovering that as I persevere in this life, I am growing in ways that I never would have grown had this “Hard” not come to me. It is not something that I would have chosen and it more difficult than I ever imagined it would be. But, I am finding that God is faithful to His word when I fight to be faithful to Him.
So for those that are in a hard place right now. For those that are suffering in any way…please persevere. Please stay in there with God. Hold tight to Him…don’t let go of Him. He wants you and I to see that the hard can actually be good…it can even be the best. God knows what He’s doing and His ways are perfect. Suffering + perseverance + character = hope.
We will each go to the place of suffering in this life…it’s a given. And we will most likely think that it is hard and bad in the beginning. But, please don’t stop with God…PERSEVERE! Somehow looking back and seeing how I have persevered, gives me the courage to continue. Remembering His faithfulness and my utter dependence on Him to be able to persevere helps me know that as the “hard” continues, He is still right here holding me up…as I hold on for dear life… to Him.
Sending Much Love,
Debbie
Punishment and Love
Hebrews 12:5&6
And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons: “My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.”
Sometimes in life we have questions…questions for God about hard things…bad things…unexpected things…life changing things. Many times those questions will remain unanswered. But, in the questioning we can do something. And it’s a big something. Seek Him…and not the answer. By doing that I am learning over and over that He is what I want…not answers. And the more I learn of Him…the bigger and mightier He becomes.
Which brings me to this passage in Hebrews. It starts out by saying that it should actually ENCOURAGE us to know that God is going to discipline us. I can just imagine what my kids would of said, if when they were young, I told them that they should be HAPPY that I was going to discipline them throughout their young lives. That it should be a source of joy to them. I can remember my dad telling me that it always hurt him worse than it was hurting me when I got it with the switch. I never believed him…that switch hurt pretty bad. But, I don’t ever remember him saying that it should make me happy that he was doing it. Verse 10 in this chapter says,“Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness.” When I disciplined my kids and when my daddy disciplined me, it was always because WE thought we were doing what was best for the child. This verse says that when God disciplines us…it is always for OUR good. He is always looking for ways to make us more like Himself…always looking out for us…thinking of us. Even in the discipline.
The word for “punish” in this passage comes from the root word which means to squeeze, consume or devour. In our times of discipline we can feel as if we are being consumed by the discipline itself. Paul’s thorn in the flesh, the thing that God allowed in his life to keep him humble, was something that was there daily. Always reminding him of his dependence on the Lord…and the love of his Lord…for him…personally. Tailor made just for Paul.
That is the wonderful thing of discipline. (wonderful…really? YES!) Even though it is painful…hard…and brings questions…to KNOW that the discipline is hand designed by the creator of the universe for ME is almost more than I can comprehend. That He loves me enough to desire that I be more like Him…whatever it takes…how ever long it takes…requires that in love He punish me. Isn’t that strange? But, as parents we understand that principle. We do the same thing for our children…but the discipline we use will never bring about righteousness. It may bring right behavior…but not true righteousness. Only God’s discipline can accomplish that great work.
So then, why is it so hard for me to accept His discipline and sometimes punishment into my life? This verse tells me something very important to remember and hang onto. DO NOT LOSE HEART. When I am entering into a season of hardness…discipline…things that threaten my faith…things that play with my emotions…my out look on life…and my view of God Himself…it would be very easy to lose heart and give up. But, if I stop and give up in the middle of the battle…I lose more than heart. I can lose my faith…my being formed into the image of Christ…my witness…my purpose. There is ALWAYS a reason for God’s discipline and I MUST go through it…get to the other side of it…not lose heart…so I can, according to verse 10, share in His holiness. That simply means…looking more and more like Him…in a world that so desperately needs to see Him more and more.
When I was a kid my parents used a switch to discipline. Sometimes I had to go cut it myself (I know that sounds harsh, but I always made a game out of it and tried to find one that wouldn’t hurt as bad). When our kids were small, Rick and I used a ping pong paddle and a wooden spoon. I’m sure you may have used something else. God’s discipline for us is no different. We are each unique and special to Him and our discipline will be just that…unique and special. Designed for us by a Father that loves us so much He will not let the thing “slide”, but will address it with a wooden spoon or a switch…or a million other methods…telling us all the while…don’t lose heart child, I love you.
Sending much love,
Debbie
20 Months
Today marks 20 months since Rick exited the earth for heaven. It doesn’t seem possible…but my daily life screams that it is very real and very possible. I wish there was some way to describe life after great loss. A way to talk about it that includes the emotion of it. Grief is such a strong emotion…a very personal experience…a very long hard journey. I’ve changed…kicking and screaming the entire time…20 months of changing. And even though most changes were necessary, they were made through tears…and sometimes…anger. I now look at my world in a way that I never did when Rick was here. The eyes of my heart have changed…dramatically. I notice other people’s pain much quicker than I did before…and feel it more deeply. I am drawn like a bee to honey to people who are hurting. And I am quick to pray for their needs. But, if I am honest…some changes have not been so good. These 20 months have been a difficult journey in my faith walk. I thought that I knew my God and had a strong faith walk 20 months ago. Going through Rick’s illness and other losses I thought had made me stronger. I was so wrong. Being cast into grief…face to face with loss…we have two choices in matters of faith. We either battle it out with God and draw closer to Him…or we turn and walk away. There is no middle ground. And having known the love of God and His faithfulness…I was forced to wrestle it out with Him. I still wrestle. Daily. Sometimes hourly. Loss has affected EVERY area of my life and the lives of those I love. Our family has changed. Some good changes…some bad. And even though we have one another we each have had to go through these 20 months dealing with Rick’s loss as individuals. At the end of the day…we live with ourselves. I tell the women I teach that we have to learn to deal with stuff ourselves because we never get away from ourselves. Wherever we go…there we are. Grief has caused me to see things in myself I never knew were there. Ugly things…things that God needed to deal with. And some things He will need to deal with for quite some time. I still have many questions for the Lord. Rick himself had many questions. Why now Lord? Why me? Why a brain tumor? All of his have been answered…some of mine are still ruled with a question mark. Even though these past 20 months have held much grief…God has used them to teach me the deeper meaning of one word. TRUST. A word that I thought I understood and lived out. No. I didn’t. I have heard it said that 95% of what people fear never happens. I have asked the Lord…what about the 5% of us that our worse fears ARE realized? What then Lord?? He keeps coming back with this One Word…TRUST. I get to choose whether I will trust Him. He…I am discovering through the pain of loss…is very much worthy of my trust. No matter what. There is no other way. Either I turn my face toward Him…or turn my back to Him. Oh God, help me to continue to choose to turn my face toward YOU daily…and exchange the word grief…for…trust. Sending much love, Debbie
Wrestling
Genesis 32:25 & 31
25 When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. 31 The sun rose above him as he passed Peniel, and he was limping because of his hip.
I’m not much for wrestling. My son-in-law LOVES the fake wrestling (sorry George)…he hates it when I call it fake. You know the Hulk Hogan kind of wrestling. But, there are so many different kinds of the stuff now it’s hard to keep up. All of it looks painful to me…makes me glad it’s them in the ring instead of me.
But, am I really not in the ring? I realize I’ve been wrestling too…daily…with someone much stronger than Hulk Hogan. With God Himself. Just like Jacob. Who after wrestling with God actually had his name changed to Israel. Which means “he struggles with God.” God made sure that Jacob would FOREVER remember that he had “struggled with God and with men and have overcome.” vs 28b. Not so much in love with the idea of wrestling with God, but I definitely like the overcoming part.
One thing about wrestling…you get up close and personal with the one you are wrestling. Another thing is this…there’s always a winner. In Jacob’s case he seemed to be winning…wrestling with God…until the “man” touched his hip socket as they wrestled. But, even with a messed up hip, Jacob still would not let go…until God blessed him. And bless him He did. ”What is your name?” God asks Jacob. I think God wanted to make sure Jacob knew that the “deceiver” (Jacob means “he deceives”) was now becoming the “struggler who over-came.”
He does that for us as well…wrestling with God ALWAYS changes us! It brings us face to face with the only One who knows how to make us limp. The only One Who can change us by bringing us low…making us “tap out”…say “uncle”…I give up…I’m done…You win. LORD. Change my name…bless me…leave me with a limp. But, in the process help me remember I have overcome.
I am still in process. I am still working this whole thing out. Trying. Daily. Wrestling. So many questions for Him. And sometimes seemingly so few answers. I am different though. Losing Rick and wrestling with God has changed me. I’m not sure I can even really figure out how…I just know it has. And if I’m honest…I would say that if Rick were still here…my wrestling would look very different. I know my life would be different…but I think my heart would be different. And not in a good way. I see things now after wrestling with God that I never saw before. And I know I have so much more to wrestle out with Him.
And may I never forget…I limp. Just like Jacob...I limp. I don’t necessarily have an obvious limp (although at 6:30 in the morning when I walk you might argue with that). But, my limp…it’s a limp of the heart. A limp of loss. A limp caused by loss, but forged through wrestling with God over that loss. And slowly…painfully…joyfully…and without denial…I am overcoming. He is changing me. Oh, how painful the whole thing is!!!! Sometimes I think it would hurt less to fight Hulk Hogan…but the results would not be the same.
I use to think that “limping” through life was a bad thing. Now I know better. It simply means I have wrestled with God…up close…face to face…and have overcome.
Wrestling and sending much love,
Debbie
Showing our Hand
Luke 6:8-10
But Jesus knew what they were thinking and said to the man with the shriveled hand, “Get up and stand in front of everyone.” So he got up and stood there. Then Jesus said to them, “I ask you, which is lawful on the Sabbath: to do good or to do evil, to save life or to destroy it?” He looked around at them all, and then said to the man, “Stretch out your hand.” He did so, and his hand was completely restored.
For some reason I don’t like to admit my weaknesses. I don’t like to admit my mistakes, mess up’s or mishaps. Of course, I would like for everyone to think that I am perfect and never make a mistake…NOT! (My kids would be quick to agree!) Just the other day, standing in line at Whole Foods I dropped a big jar of spaghetti sauce right there in the check out line…during the lunch hour…crowded lunch hour…with everyone staring. I hated it. Spaghetti sauce EVERYWHERE. I felt like I needed to either run (far, far away) or get a rag and clean it up myself. I did neither. I smiled, apologized, paid and walked out as fast as I could. (I may never buy spaghetti sauce again)
I have lots of things in my life that need “fixing”. I need to learn how to relax more…say “no” more…go to bed at a decent time…eat supper before 9:00 pm, love more freely, laugh more often, and did I mention relax more? God knows all these things about me. He, even more than me, knows what needs “fixed”.
I love this story about the man with the shriveled hand. He has something that needs “fixed”. He’s sitting in church, minding his own business…trying to hide his shriveled hand. Have you ever been somewhere, minding your own business and trying as best you can to remain anonymous…when all of a sudden…you drop a jar of spaghetti sauce???? Sitting in church with his hand in his jacket…this man needed “fixed” and Jesus was about to “fix” him. But, the man had a part to play.
The key to being “fixed” by Jesus is this…we have to show Him what needs “fixing”. Jesus actually called this man up in front of everyone. Then He did the unthinkable. He asked the man to show Him his hand. Now, the thing that strikes me here is this…had it been me…I probably would have shown Jesus my good hand. “Here, look at this one Jesus…nothing wrong here…no help needed…perfectly fine…see?” But, not this man…he immediately brings the shriveled one out of hiding and into plain view for EVERYONE to see. The result? COMPLETE RESTORATION.
Because he was willing to take out of hiding and bring into view what needed fixed…the One who was able to fix it did just that. I learn a great lesson from this man who doesn’t even have a name in Scripture. Just “shriveled hand man”. He didn’t run the other way…didn’t try to fix it himself…didn’t hide the problem. He stood there in front of Jesus and said this, “Look at this…I know it’s pretty ugly Jesus but here it is. I know it needs fixed and I can’t do it, but I know you can.” When I am willing to admit the areas in my life that need fixed by Jesus, He can then come in and start making the necessary repairs.
Even if the jar is completely broken. Even if I think it can’t be fixed. Even if I think I can never change or there’s no hope. He doesn’t say…”you clean it up”…He says…”hold it out so I can see it”…and then somehow He completely restores.
I am learning that I can’t continue to hide those things in my life that need fixed. I must take them out and let Jesus do what He does best…completely restore.
Showing my hand and sending much love,
Debbie
Remembering
This photo was taken in the Smoky Mountains July 18th, 2009
Philippians 1:3
I thank my God every time I remember you.
This Monday, July 18, will be my 35th wedding anniversary to the sweetest man ever. I say, will be, because it still, very much feels like I am married. I have yet to use the word “widow” in a conversation when I’m talking about myself. Although the other day someone asked me a question and I said that I was “single”. I immediately wanted to take it back…even though it’s the truth…it doesn’t feel like truth. Such a weird place to be in life…widow, single, alone. I can’t say that I like any of those.
This past year of my life…from year 34 to year 35 has been hard. But, like so many others who suffer and go through difficult things, I am finding that suffering, even though it is so painful, has taught me so much. Suffering and the joy of life just seem to run side by side. Every once in a while I will be more aware of one than the other…which can bring on either tears or a smile. But, for the most part my heart just holds them both.
Remembering can bring much joy…and sadness. It all depends on how I choose to look at the memory. Will I look at my memory of Rick on any given day with a feeling of great loss…or with great gratitude? Will I choose to remember him and what we shared with a heart that is pitiful and feels sorry for itself, or with a heart that is full of the power of God and His plan in mind. I wish I could say that I have always done the later. It would be a lie if I did. In the beginning, I spent plenty of time feeling very pitiful…and feeling such great loss. I’m sure God got a little tired of the “pitiful” me….smile. But, it WAS a great loss…there is no denying that. As time has gone on I have made the choice…and it is a choice…to try and see things through the eyes of gratitude and thankfulness. It has helped my heart. It has helped my prayer life. It has helped my relationship with my God. It has helped me.
Remembering my life with Rick as it was B C (before cancer) can and does make me sad. But, as weird as it sounds, even in the sadness there is such joy! When I remember how God literally took me from darkness into light by using the man Rick Starr I am in awe. Not just of the man that Rick was, but in awe of a God who would love me that much. See me in my sin and have such a beautiful plan of redemption through Jesus…via Rick. How precious is God. When I remember the family we were privileged to have together, I am filled with gratitude. The many people we met and ministered to…side by side in ministry…what a beautiful gift.
It is still a battle every day that I fight. To make the choice…every day…to look at my life…past…present…future…with a heart of gratitude. It’s not an easy battle and if I didn’t fight with the strength that the Lord gives me, I know I would loose it. I would become the pitiful wimpy person that not even me would want to be around! But, the wonderful thing is…I get to choose. You get to choose. We really do. What is it that is trying to take your joy? Steal your heart of gratitude? CHOOSE thankfulness. Keep choosing. Keep. Choosing. To. Be. Thankful.
I will not choose right every time. Neither will you. Things would be so much better for me if I did. But, praise God…I’m getting better at it. And today and this Monday, July 18th, when I will be celebrating 35 years of marriage…I choose this...I THANK MY GOD EVERY TIME I REMEMBER YOU.
So Thankful and Sending much love,
Debbie
Raised Beds, Weeds and God
Matthew 13:24 -30, 36-43
Jesus told them another parable: “The kingdom of heaven is like a man who sowed good seed in his field. But while everyone was sleeping, his enemy came and sowed weeds among the wheat, and went away. When the wheat sprouted and formed heads, then the weeds also appeared. The owner’s servants came to him and said, ‘Sir didn’t you sow good seed in your field? Where then did the weeds come from?’ ‘An enemy did this,’he replied. The servants asked him, ‘Do you want us to go and pull them up?’ ‘No,’ he answered, ‘because while you are pulling the weeds, you may root up the wheat with them. Let both grow together until the harvest. At that time I will tell the harvesters: First collect the weeds and tie them in bundles to be burned; then gather the wheat and bring it into my barn.’ “
Then he left the crowd and went into the house. His disciples came to him and said, “Explain to us the parable of the weeds in the field.” He answered, “The one who sowed the good seed is the Son of Man. The field is the world, and the good seed stands for the sons of the kingdom. The weeds are the sons of the evil one, and the enemy who sows them is the devil. The harvest is the end of the age, and the harvesters are angels. “As the weeds are pulled up and burned in the fire, so it will be at the end of the age. The Son of Man will send out his angels, and they will weed out of his kingdom everything that causes sin and all who do evil. They will throw them into the fiery furnace, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. Then the righteous will shine like the sun in the kingdom of their Father. He who has ears, let him hear.
I love my raised bed gardens. After last years fiasco of a garden I decided to try raised beds this year. Jacob came and as a labor of love built them for me. Once they were built all the dirt had to be hauled in…that means several truck loads of dirt and lots of shoveling. I still get sore just thinking about it…. The kids came and helped with the final touches and in the rain several weeks ago we put every seed and plant in those beds. Then I watched and waited for them to grow. And grow they did! I now have beautiful plants growing and getting ready to bear lots of tomatoes, green beans, squash, cucumbers and other veggies.
But, in the raised beds…all mixed in with those big plants are…WEEDS. All different kinds of little, ugly, persistent…weeds. The weird thing about weeds is this…I didn’t plant them. I worked so hard at preparing the soil, buying the seeds and the plants to put in those raised beds. But, weeds…not one of those did I plant. But, somehow every day when I go out and check on my vegetables…there they are…weeds.
In this passage of Scripture in Matthew Jesus tells us a parable about wheat and weeds. Wheat is planted by God and is expected to grow, bear fruit and bring a harvest. Just like my raised beds. But, something happens after the wheat has been planted…weeds APPEAR. Sorry to say, just like in my raised beds. Jesus is actually telling a story here about us. Christians…Jesus followers. We are the wheat. Then…the weeds appear. Those that are planted in this world and instead of following Jesus, they follow the evil one. There is no middle ground here….we either belong to Jesus (wheat) or we belong to the enemy (weeds).
As I was kneeling beside my raised beds this afternoon and getting my hands muddy pulling weeds, this story came to my mind. Sometimes I have to be really careful pulling the weeds out. Just like the parable says. They asked, “do we need to pull the weeds out since they’re so close to the wheat?” Jesus says, “no”. Let them stay. The truth is when I’m pulling weeds, if they are really close to the vegetable plant and the weed has put down deep roots, if I pull that weed up, chances are the good plant will come with it. I think of myself when I think of this story. Weeds, wheat and vegetables. There have been and still are times in my life when I get a little too close to “weeds.” Those that would cause me to not follow hard after Jesus…lead me into a path of sin…surround me with gossip…lying…cheating…selfishness…envy…hatred. We must be so careful who we get close to. Who we plant ourselves next to. If they do not follow Jesus and we do, planting ourselves consistently close to them could cause their roots to grow deep…close to us…changing our hearts and putting us in danger. Putting us in danger of becoming choked out…losing our source of nourishment…and ultimately dying. Losing our relationship with the One who planted us in the first place…Jesus.
There will come a day when God will call all the army of Heaven together and give the order. The GREAT trumpet blast will sound…the heavens will split open…and Jesus Himself will lead the charge. Coming with the angels and the army of Heaven, He WILL take the wheat to spend eternity with Him. In a place that is so far beyond wonderful we simply can not imagine it. But…for the weeds. He promises that they will be separated from the wheat and taken and burned. Lost forever. I cannot even stand to think about that for very long.
In this world there will be both wheat and weeds. It is not judgmental on our part to recognize one from the other and to guard ourselves. And to also reach out in love to those that don’t know Him. Jesus uses terms that even today, over 2,000 years since He walked this earth still makes sense to us. Wheat and weeds. We still have them both today. I’m learning a lot from my raised beds. We are planted in this world, wheat among weeds. Does the world know which one you are? Do they know which one I am? Wheat…or…weeds?
Sending much love,
Debbie
Potato Bugs, Weeds and our Hearts
Have you ever seen a potato bug? Ugly. Disgusting. Fat. I could go on, but I’ll leave it at that for now. When I see a potato bug a strange thing happens to me. I have to kill them. All of them. Like right now…I can’t wait ‘til later to do it…kill them. It’s kind of overwhelming. The killing part that is. Because where there is one potato bug there are always a lot more to follow. Like A LOT more.
This afternoon I went to the garden at A Refuge (my house for missionaries) to do one thing…pull weeds. That seems easy enough. Pull weeds. I can do that. And it shouldn’t take too long. Don’t ever tell yourself that…the too long part. There is no such thing as a small job in a large garden. The garden was a muddy mess after all the rain we’ve had, so I peeled off my good walking shoes and socks and waded into the mud. The potatoes were first. I started pulling weeds…and then I spotted them. Big, fat, orange potato bugs. Everywhere. Eating my precious potato plants. It was as if I had a mission from God Himself…kill the potato bugs. Not sure if it was really His mission, but I knew I was the one who had to do it. Killing those bugs was not easy. I couldn’t stomp them because I had taken my shoes off. I couldn’t bring myself to smoosh them with my fingers…too messy. Yuk. So I got creative. I found two rocks and started to work. No potato bug was safe…I found the fat ones, the not-so-fat-ones and the baby ones. They all died. (Don’t feel sorry for them…they’re really nasty little things.) A little orange blood here and there…a sore back from bending over and potato plants that look pretty sad…but the potato plants have been rescued. For now.
It’s not just my garden that has had some things in it that needed to die. Not just my garden that needed to have some weeds pulled out. My inner man…my heart…has also needed some work lately. I’ve had some spiritual bugs that have gotten fat and needed to be smooshed. Sometimes as life goes on, all of a sudden it seems…something has grown. Something that doesn’t belong in the garden of my life…in my heart…like the potato bugs. These things can get fatter and fatter until I decide to take my shoes off, get my feet dirty and do the hard work. Kill the thing. Recognize it and do what it takes to get rid of it. When God points out something in me that needs to die…it hurts to kill it. Really hurts. The big fat bug wants to stay there. Things like selfishness, pride, neglecting the poor and hurting and did I mention selfishness…can attach itself to my heart and get real fat real quick. Until God walks into the garden and says…it’s fat enough. It has to die. That hurts. Bad.
The potato plants have been rescued. The big fat potato bugs are dead. For now. But, I will need to go back to the garden soon. Real soon. Why? To check for those same ugly bugs again. They have a tendency to come back. So does my sin. So I will go back to my heart with God. Ask Him to examine it for what was once growing there. And if the same thing is trying to grow and get fat again…ask Him to smoosh it again…and again…and again.
Watching for potato bugs and…
Sending much love,
Debbie
