Wrestling
Genesis 32:25 & 31
25 When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. 31 The sun rose above him as he passed Peniel, and he was limping because of his hip.
I’m not much for wrestling. My son-in-law LOVES the fake wrestling (sorry George)…he hates it when I call it fake. You know the Hulk Hogan kind of wrestling. But, there are so many different kinds of the stuff now it’s hard to keep up. All of it looks painful to me…makes me glad it’s them in the ring instead of me.
But, am I really not in the ring? I realize I’ve been wrestling too…daily…with someone much stronger than Hulk Hogan. With God Himself. Just like Jacob. Who after wrestling with God actually had his name changed to Israel. Which means “he struggles with God.” God made sure that Jacob would FOREVER remember that he had “struggled with God and with men and have overcome.” vs 28b. Not so much in love with the idea of wrestling with God, but I definitely like the overcoming part.
One thing about wrestling…you get up close and personal with the one you are wrestling. Another thing is this…there’s always a winner. In Jacob’s case he seemed to be winning…wrestling with God…until the “man” touched his hip socket as they wrestled. But, even with a messed up hip, Jacob still would not let go…until God blessed him. And bless him He did. ”What is your name?” God asks Jacob. I think God wanted to make sure Jacob knew that the “deceiver” (Jacob means “he deceives”) was now becoming the “struggler who over-came.”
He does that for us as well…wrestling with God ALWAYS changes us! It brings us face to face with the only One who knows how to make us limp. The only One Who can change us by bringing us low…making us “tap out”…say “uncle”…I give up…I’m done…You win. LORD. Change my name…bless me…leave me with a limp. But, in the process help me remember I have overcome.
I am still in process. I am still working this whole thing out. Trying. Daily. Wrestling. So many questions for Him. And sometimes seemingly so few answers. I am different though. Losing Rick and wrestling with God has changed me. I’m not sure I can even really figure out how…I just know it has. And if I’m honest…I would say that if Rick were still here…my wrestling would look very different. I know my life would be different…but I think my heart would be different. And not in a good way. I see things now after wrestling with God that I never saw before. And I know I have so much more to wrestle out with Him.
And may I never forget…I limp. Just like Jacob...I limp. I don’t necessarily have an obvious limp (although at 6:30 in the morning when I walk you might argue with that). But, my limp…it’s a limp of the heart. A limp of loss. A limp caused by loss, but forged through wrestling with God over that loss. And slowly…painfully…joyfully…and without denial…I am overcoming. He is changing me. Oh, how painful the whole thing is!!!! Sometimes I think it would hurt less to fight Hulk Hogan…but the results would not be the same.
I use to think that “limping” through life was a bad thing. Now I know better. It simply means I have wrestled with God…up close…face to face…and have overcome.
Wrestling and sending much love,
Debbie
